Written by Fanny Di Domenicantonio, Director, Fox & Cubs Nanny & Private Staff Agency
Consistent rules between parents and nannies are one of the most powerful things a family can put in place and one of the most frequently overlooked.
Why consistent rules between parents and nannies matter
There is a phrase every nanny has heard at least once: “But Mummy always lets us.” It is rarely true, and it is always a test.
Children are extraordinarily good at spotting inconsistency between the adults who care for them. When the rules shift depending on who is in charge, they learn very quickly that rules are negotiable, and the boundary-testing that follows is exhausting for everyone involved.
Camilla McGill, parenting coach and founder of My Parenting Solutions, writes about this with real clarity in her latest piece and the title says it all: “But Mummy Lets Me!” Her solution is beautifully simple: write it down. A single page of house rules, organised around the rhythm of the day, that every adult in the household works from consistently.
At Fox & Cubs, we have been doing something similar from the very beginning of every placement. Every family we work with receives a welcome kit that includes a structured guide for the first day, covering daily routines, parenting style, house rules, discipline, screen time, and communication preferences. Every nanny receives the same framework from their own perspective. Both sides arrive at day one having asked the same questions and thought through the same expectations.
This matters because the conversations that do not happen before a placement starts are the ones that cause problems later. When do the children have screen time? What happens if a child refuses to eat? What should the nanny do when a child says “but Mummy lets me”? These are not difficult conversations, but they are ones that families often leave unspoken because they assume a good nanny will simply pick things up. Even the very best nanny cannot read minds, and clarity from the start protects everyone, including the children.
We also encourage families to be available during the first few days to answer questions, offer early feedback constructively rather than letting small things build, and step back gradually to give the nanny and child space to bond. Confidence builds on both sides when the nanny is trusted to handle situations herself. And whether through WhatsApp, a daily journal or a quick conversation at handover, consistent communication keeps everyone aligned long after the first week.
The families where childcare works most smoothly are the ones where the nanny feels confident and supported in following the family’s approach, where the children know there is nothing to gain from testing, and where the rules are the same regardless of who is in charge. That consistency is not an accident. It is built deliberately, before the first day, through exactly the kind of honest and structured conversation that Camilla describes so well.
Fox & Cubs Insight
“The families where childcare works most smoothly are almost always the ones where everyone is working from the same playbook. At Fox & Cubs, we give every family and nanny the tools to build that shared understanding before the placement begins, because the conversations that happen on day one shape everything that follows.” Fanny Di Domenicantonio, Director, Fox & Cubs
When consistent rules between parents and nannies are established before day one, the settling-in period is smoother, the children adjust faster, and the relationship starts from a place of clarity rather than guesswork.
The families where childcare works most smoothly are the ones where everyone arrives at day one already aligned. That means having the conversation before the nanny starts not on the morning itself, when the pressure is already on. A single page of written house rules, shared in advance, changes everything about how quickly a nanny settles, how confidently she handles difficult moments, and how secure the children feel with the adults around them.
Read the full article
Original article published by Camilla McGill
Parenting Coach and Founder, My Parenting Solutions
Read the full article here: “But Mummy Lets Me!” Why Children Test the Rules With Every Adult
